the correlation between dreams and reality

baby, where's the partayyyy?
lomo, new in town! lights and nights.

dream on baby, just dream on.

I dont feel the joy of Sunday, at all. I feel like the stress is on me again. And this time, it's not a small amount. It's uniapps plus SATs plus IBPG plus family kind of stress. And to top it off, there's this kind of hatred that grew inside me in the past few days. What's with this world? Why do we have to fight soo hard for our something that is not guaranteed? Why on earth do we have to learn to stop dreaming and start working? The correlation is that either you suck up for reality and give up your dreams, or you turn your dreams into some money-sucking jobs and make them realities? You get that? and how many people can do so? How many people can turn their interests and dreams into realities? Not a lot, for sure. It's not an easy thing to do. The courage to become different, the courage to become alone in your own path, the courage to be disapproved of and discouraged. I don't think I am prepared to do that, at least not at this age. But i will not stop dreaming, I will still try hard to do something I like, and some day, it can become reality.

I hate it when i have to press the stop button in my heart when I started falling in love with something nice. It's like you have to pull yourself together and not get distracted by this oh-so-addictive interest. You get that feeling? It's painful. It's heart-wrenching, but what else can you do? You have tonnes of work before you and where can you find some lurvly time for your crazy new obsession? My parents aren't discouraging, it's just...honey...think for yourself, do you think you have time for this and that? Uniapps deadline are drawing closer, you better get started working on uniapps and get good grades and all that. It's not like i dont want to. It's just I am kinda tired of this battle. I'm totally dreading it.

ARGH. I have had enough of those talks. MA.

All I want is just a relaxing summer. ha. wishful thinking.

A bit too much is currently going on around me. I can't help but see the cruelty of life and the sufferings of innocent hearts. I can't help but want a getaway from all the noise and sadness. I can't help but choose to escape. Gullible, people shouts. So what, I did what makes me feel like living. I puked enough to feel my existence in this chaos. I laughed enough to know that tears could fall any second after I stop laughing. I loved it all hard enough that I could die. I hate sadness, but it's what makes life complete. Without emotions, I can't feel my own life so nakedly under the limelight of the stage called LIVES. Without emotions, I can't seek truth within myself.

I want to live till the day when death is nothing scary to me.

this is LIFE.

dream on,

b.